Exactly on 24th May 1991 at the stroke of 12am, something happened in my life which became the turning point of who I am today. On a Friday night, Mommy and I were sitting in the living room watching weekly Cantonese movies. During the newsbreak, around 11pm I think, news was showing gandhi’s son (I think) being cremated in a ritual ceremony. Then brother was watching and he said, “If I die, I also wanna be cremated”. My mom just answered, “I die first lah, you where got so fast”….I was only 13 at that time, not too bothered about the conversation.Halfway watching the news, Mommy fell asleep on the sofa…snoring pretty loud. I was pretty surprised cause Mommy never snores. I sleep with her alternate nights when Daddy doesn’t come home (long history of Dad and his affairs). I woke Mommy up when the news ended to continue the Cantonese movie. We finished the movie close 12am then we went to bed. Brother was still behind working on his art work, he was a graphic student at that time.
Before going to bed, Mommy asked what I want for breakfast tomorrow. Mentioned something, but can’t recall. Then we both went to bed. As usual she sleeps on the outer side of the bed while I sleep next to the wall side. I always fall off from bed, that’s why lah!!! About 10mins later, I was still tossing and turning around, can’t sleep. Then I heard Mommy snoring again. Every second passes, the snore gets louder.
I suspect something was wrong. I tried to wake Mommy by tapping her hands…she did not respond. Started to panic, I woke up and stood beside her on the other side of the bed, still trying to call her but she did not respond as well. I ran out and called my brother.
On the bedroom lights and we tried to wake Mom up but she did not answer. I called my uncle, who stays on the next street and told him something is wrong call him to come over. Then we called Dad @ Cheras. Dad told us ask uncle to send to Tawakal if anything. Uncle arrived like less than 5 minutes later.
Mommy was still unconcious… I saw her having difficulty to breath and was like having fits…fist holding very tight. Teeth bitting very hard…Uncle tried to use the chopstick to open up her mouth, but failed. So 3 of us, loaded her into the car and Uncle and brother rushed her out to nearest clinic to check. I was very worried. My neighbours woke up and asked what happened. Tried to explain to them with tears rolling down.
Later Dad called and ask what happen, so told him they send her to clinic, will call him back. I was worried sick, I took joysticks out to pray to God that everything would be alright. Brother called back after a while and told me we got to send Mom to hospital. They called Dad so they will meet him there. I called up my aunty and another uncle (all mother side and stay nearby). They came over and told me not to worry, It’ll be alright.
We waited at home as we didn’t know which hospital Mommy would be sent to. At that time handphone was not widely in use, so you still have to rely on public phone. After a while, the house phone rang. aunty pickup the phone and spoke a bit, then hung up. She turned to me and said, “Fun, you have to be prepared. We lost your Mom”
I was stunned & shocked. Speechless. I didn’t know and couldn’t accept what had just happened to me. I was imagining that it wasn’t true. I just feel on my knees and hug my aunt. I cried so loud as I couldn’t accept what she told me. Then 3 of us (aunty, uncle’s wife & myself) made our way to HKL. When I arrived there, I saw Dad..he was full in tears. I’ve never seen him cried in my life, not even when my grandfather passed away. I hugged him and cried as loud as I could. As though I’m letting out all my anger.
All of us later went into the emergency ward, and that’s where I saw Mommy. Laid still on the bed. She was so pale and cold. And that was the last time I hug her.
Doctor summarized that she died of stroke. She was a healthy person in her early 40s. Had her medical checkup a week before she died. Medical report was green light. So how did it happen. Until today it’s still a mystery to me. I always ask myself, why do I have to go thru this kind of life. When I see other families so happy and complete, I will long for those days that Mom was still around. I asked God why did he punish me so hard. Although I was very independent at the age of 13, but that’s not right to take away Mom from me. Because of this incident, I have lost faith in myself, lost faith in God. I prayed so hard to ask him to save Mom, but he failed me. Utterly disappointed.
Mom’s demise has brought millions of changes in my life. In less than a month, I was forced to move out from my house. Separated from my brother. A move that in the coming 3 years, darkness rules my life…
As I wrote this story, all the memories came flashing, as though it just happened yesterday. Everything is still fresh in my mind. But if I’m given a choice, will I turn back the clock and do something to avoid this. Well, my answer is 50-50. Mom’s demise is a blessings to me. But at the same time, I do miss her alot and wish she’s still around.
MOM I MISS YOU